No – not in the George Michael sense – but the things I have learnt from nappy changing and toilet training 4 (I know, madness!) small children.

• Until they try it in person they will not believe the rule ‘don’t go to a public toilet without your shoes on’ – lesson learnt after a wet sock incident whilst out for a pub lunch #grim
• Whilst gloves that attach to their coat are a good thing for not losing the pesky things, they aren’t so good when small child is wiping their own bottom when out shopping. One wipe with the toilet paper, follow through with the glove for a final polish…….
• Toilet facilities are always a huge attraction for small children – often multiple times in one trip – particularly on public transport. And when lots of them decide they all need to go on a plane – you can not fit more than 1 adult and 1 child in an airline toilet (how people join the mile high club I will never know!)
• Other countries aren’t as prolific with ‘baby change’ facilities as the UK. Many a foreign toilet I’ve had to sit on whilst changing a small child on my lap (preferable to kneeling on the floor in a public toilet).
• No matter what you say, your small child will open the cubicle door whilst you’re still sat there with your trousers around your ankles.
• The small child will pick when you’re sat in a busy public toilet to ask deep and meaningful questions – my favourite ‘Mummy, why do English people wear poppies and German people not?’ in a public loo at Munich airport one October half term.
• If it’s not a d&m question – it’s an embarrassing one for the entire queue to hear ‘Mummy, why have you got a nappy stuck in your pants?’ being a classic.
• All baby changing facilities STINK – no matter what time of the day or night you go in, the bin is always overflowing and the smell is foul. (How people can think these are a suitable place to feed a baby too is beyond me)
• Just remembered the exception to the last point – the John Lewis parents facilities in Solihull – much more pleasant. However, do remember to fully brief your husband to look at the signs – one side is for breast feeding and the other for bottle feeding – don’t let him automatically go to the side where you’ve always sat to feed when he’s doing a bottle as he will be surrounded by boobs…..
• A portable potty with a liner (think nappy sack with sanitary towel inside) is a Godsend for when they need the loo somewhere inappropriate (middle of the maze at Blenheim Palace anyone?) However, when they use it to wee like a camel, the poor pad has no chance, and you have an enormous bag of wee to carry around.

So – what public toilet woes have you had???