** Set the scene: 2 nights ago, about midnight, I’m sat at my computer as Mark is walking past the door and heading up to bed. **
Mark: “What are you reading, I thought you said you were logging off your computer?”
Me: “A really interesting article that Adam has posted about coming out.”
Mark: (incredulously) “Mandy’s Adam is gay??”
Me: “Er no, out of Europe”
Another ridiculous anecdote from life in the Price household………….
“Are you the one who saves the day at work? Does your family expect you to do it all when you get home? Perhaps you used to like being thought of as reliable, but you long for a life of your own again—one that doesn’t include having the ability to attract lots of people into your life who need lots of “help.”
It isn’t just you. Lots of women have been socialized this way, and worse, no one has been talking about it—setting us up for isolation and second guessing ourselves all the while.
The Strong Woman Trap takes a hard look at the cultural beliefs that set strong, driven, ambitious women up for a life spent constantly saving others from themselves, filling in gaps on every team with their own efforts, and going it alone like a hybrid of Wonder Woman and Working Girl.
Women are strong. We are called on for our strengths all the time. We are called on fix what is broken. We are called on heal what is hurt. We are called on to pull it all together. Often our role is to be the glue that binds the world.
We can do all those things and more. Yet many women still wonder when their own lives will begin. Women wonder when their merit and effort at work will be recognized. They wonder when it will be their turn.
Women are already working too hard—too hard at a game that is rigged and that we didn’t create. We spend our energies managing demands we didn’t expect and emotions we have been taught to see as irrelevant.
This book is for the women spend their spare moments looking wistfully through magazines telling themselves, “not for me…but I wish it was,” and believing they are almost at the point where they might get to have dreams again, but not yet.
The answer to the dilemma usually is one more personal sacrifice away. One more problem to solve for someone else, and we can focus on ourselves again. One more set of dues to pay, and we can earn the recognition we deserve.
If you read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg and wondered just how much farther you had to lean, this book is for you.
Wishes won’t get you there. Neither will doubling down on the strategies that got into this dilemma where you’re good enough to be the fixer but not seen as the leader. What will get you there goes beyond an effort-driven life that seems to call for more control, more sucking it up and more desperately holding things together.
What will get you there is learning the secrets to escaping The Strong Woman Trap.”
A friend tagged me in a Facebook post – along with other people she thought might be interested in the book – and she was most definitely right!
My name is Libby and I’m a control freak. I generally think that it’s better for me to do tasks rather than delegate them to someone else and it not be to the standard I would like. I also like to help people (my husband would say interfere!) but give me a crisis to assist with, and I’m there with my boots blacked.
Most of the time that’s fine – and I muddle through juggling home / kids / work / friends / charity events / random crises absolutely fine – but sometimes I’m just really, really tired. This book really helped me think about how and why I feel the need to put my knickers on over my trousers (metaphorically you’ll be pleased to hear) and be a superhero.
Some of the book is a bit ‘American’ – when there is a list of female role models, I have to confess to not knowing who they all are (I’m blaming that on them being American and not me being dim?!?)- but overall it was really helpful in looking in the mirror and analysing (spelt the British way!) myself.
Definitely a stop and think book.
My friend Mandy has written this FABULOUS piece about the mud run we did a few weeks ago. So proud to have been a part of it (and pleased Mand didn’t include the picture where I did look like a hippo!!)
It didn’t occur to me to question why it was called the bog slog. I had signed up to do a mud run and had a romantic notion of skipping through fields with my mates, sun shining down on us as we laughed and joked, creating happy memories. I was in quite good spirits that morning – make up on, hair straightened and all set to get on with it.
Before
A huge group of us signed up for the 5k mud yard mud run to raise money and awareness for brain tumour research. Fin was just 11 when he lost his battle to this killer. 11. No parent should ever bury a child. We’re just not programmed to cope. Many of us watched this pan out from the sidelines unable to find the words or reach out in any meaningful way. I, for one, felt totally useless. I wanted to help…
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My bottom is still hurting having fallen down the stairs on Good Friday. I was a little concerned that it was still so tender after a fortnight – so the other night I asked my husband if he would have a look for any bruising, lumps, exposed spinal column etc (never one to over dramatise!!).
After I dropped my trousers he took a sharp intake of breath and said ‘Oh My God ‘ – to which I immediately panicked that there’s a serious problem, his reply:
‘It’s got a huge crack in it’
#helpful
First of all I should ‘fess up to a bit of a girl crush on Ms Knight! My first foray into her writing was ‘Neris and India’s Idiot Proof Diet‘ many years ago. The accompanying website, Pig 2 Twig (which is what they wanted to call the book but Penguin wouldn’t allow it!) introduced me to lots of lovely people who have become life long friends, and for this I will be eternally grateful. In fact, I actually feature on the ‘before and after‘ page of the website – and right at this moment, would take the ‘before’!!
I’ve read India’s other non-fiction and fiction offerings – all of which I’ve really enjoyed – so I asked for this book ‘In Your Prime’ for my 42nd birthday last month.
I think I am slightly, but only slightly, younger than the target reader – but hey, you can always be prepared! Here’s what the Amazon blurb says:
“‘I love India and her no-nonsense, honest and utterly hilarious guide to navigating the post-45 years’ Marian Keyes, Mail on Sunday
‘A route map for the midlifer woman. Knight tackles every issue – beauty, menopause, laser eye surgery . . . she is not held back by the fear of laying down the law’ The Times
Happy, confident, in control, ready to do and enjoy everything that comes your way – you’re definitely In Your Prime. But too many of us allow mid-life’s little nuisances to dictate how and who we are. So let India Knight tell you how to deal with the obstacles while living life to the full.
Whether it is coping with ageing parents, divorce, dating, teenagers, wavering libidos or your saggy bits, India dispenses perfect tips. She’ll instruct you how to drink, dress and party gracefully (or disgracefully), but above all she’ll show that happiness is the one thing you deserve.
This is the book that will tell you how to live the rest of your life.”
Yet again, I wasn’t disappointed. India’s style – like her Sunday Times column – is quite opinionated, a bit bossy and occasionally sweary (which is very much like me, except the swearing is more frequent in my house!) and I can imagine it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea – but it is most definitely mine.
Some of it (menopause, parents with dementia) I hope I am still some way from, but it was really useful to see some suggestions of things to consider beforehand.
Some of it was relevant already – supporting friends who are ill by cooking meals and leaving them with reheating instructions is something I’d already done (in fact, 2 of the recipes out of the ‘Neris and India’s Idiot Proof Cookbook‘ are my ‘go to’s on such occasions – the Spanish chicken and one of the sausage casseroles have been devoured by children in the village who would never eat the contents if their own parents had cooked it) – but highlighting the fact that people don’t want to have to make decisions when they’re ill – so asking ‘how can I help?’ or ‘what can I cook you?’ is actually putting additional pressure on the already suffering friend – so making other decisions for them, like what to cook, or announcing you will do the ironing rather than asking what you can do – is actually way more helpful. I know it’s stating the obvious – but is definitely something I will think about more in future.
The chapter about teenage kids was a bit scary – as we’re fast approaching that stage – but forewarned is forearmed and all that.
I am also renowned for always being super busy and super efficient – and the section about not needing to ‘have it all’ all of the time and taking time out and appreciating the little things really resonated. As did the suggestion of paying for help if you can afford it. We’ve recently employed our own Mrs Patmore (co-incidentally the third author – although unmentioned in the title – of the aforementioned cookbook) and it’s changed our lives!! Partly from the fact that the fridge is always filled with low carb delights, and that the children are trying lots of new things (with varying degrees of success – 4 kids all liking the same thing is so rare) but also because it frees up my husband’s and my time to spend with the kids doing reading, homework, playing games etc – and means we often all sit down to eat together as a family – which we rarely did on weekdays before. I also think stress levels are just generally lower without the daily ‘what on earth am I going to cook?’ ponderances. Paying for this help has definitely been a worthwhile investment.
And having been squeamish about it for years – I might just have to look into laser eye surgery……………..
In summary I’d definitely recommend this for all India Knight fans of a ‘certain’ age who are in their prime and want to be older, wiser and happier!
When I was growing up my Dad was a sales rep for a silver company – and family trips often involved him combining visiting customers around the UK with our holiday (tax deductible mileage I guess?!). I remember on one such trip, Dad going off with his sample case to see a customer – leaving Mum with us 3 girls in the car. One minute Dad was crossing the road between 2 parked cars – the next minute he’d disappeared. Basically he hadn’t noticed the tow rope between the 2 cars and had gone a purler. Poor Dad! In fact – he’s due a knee replacement very soon, and maybe that was the start of his knee problems.
Anyway, I’ve never been able to recount that story without laughing hysterically – but tonight I did practically the same – whacking my knee* on the tow bar on the back of Mark’s car whilst squishing between that and another parked car and going flying. Thankfully my children didn’t witness my escapade – so won’t be able to laugh at the story in a quarter of a century.
*And it was my good knee! I am now of an age where my knees are described as good and bad rather than right or left. Clearly my right is good and left is bad as my OCD meant the sentences had to match. #geek
“When murder comes calling at the coastal town of St. Eves, Charlotte Denver makes it her business to find out who killed the handsome stranger on board a luxury sailing boat. Unfortunately, her attempts at crime-solving don’t always go down well with the town’s Chief Inspector, ex-firefighter, Nathan Costello, but she presses on regardless, from her marina-front café, taking up the challenge to solve the mystery before tragedy strikes again, and uncovering a plot that sends shockwaves throughout the community. There’s a twist in the tale of this cozy mystery – will you guess what it is?”
I downloaded this because it was free #cheapskate and read it from cover to cover (not literally, it was on my Kindle) on a flight from Munich to Heathrow. So as you can imagine – it’s not a long book. In fact, I think a ‘novella’ would be a suitable description.
It is light, fluffy, super easy to read and not at all taxing – and quite enjoyable, a bit like watching something frothy on ITV on a Sunday evening.
Having said that – I am not desperate to find out what happens to Charlotte in the future, and probably wouldn’t bother spending any money finding out.
I guess short and inoffensive would be my summary. #betthatdoesntgetputonthejacket
“Three best friends. One five-star hotel. Will it be the holiday of a lifetime . . .?
Imogen and her friends Meredith and Nicola have had their fill of budget holidays, cattle-class flights and 6 a.m. offensives for a space by the pool.
So when Meredith wins a VIP holiday at Barcelona’s hippest new hotel, they plan to sip champagne with the jet set, party with the glitterati and switch off in unapologetic luxury.
But when the worst crisis of her working life erupts back home, Imogen has to juggle her BlackBerry with a Manhattan, while soothing a hysterical boss and hunting down an AWOL assistant.
Between a robbery, a run-in with hotel security staff and an encounter on a nudist beach that they’d all rather forget, the friends stumble from one disaster to the next. At least Imogen has a distraction in the form of the gorgeous guy who’s always in the right place at the very worst time. Until, that is, his motives start to arouse a few suspicions . . .”
This book was a PERFECT holiday read – I really enjoyed it from start to finish. Having been to Barcelona fairly recently, I liked the fact that I recognised lots of the places that were mentioned (the whole nudist thing happened to us when we were sat in a bar drinking mojitos and a bloke wandered alongside the bar completely stark b*llock naked!)
– and I think the hotel was based very much on the W hotel (where we had a lovely afternoon of champers in the sunshine with friends and sans kids!!)
Some of it was a little far fetched (European business class is nowhere near that good!) and sometimes the coincidences were not that likely to have happened – but who cares, it’s a novel – and a fun one at that! There were lots of twists and turns (which I don’t want to give away) but I really enjoyed it – and liked Imogen and her friends.
I really enjoyed it and will definitely look out for more by Jane Costello in the future.
I am a 40 something – and therefore grew up reading Enid Blyton, Sweet Valley High and then Judy Blume books. In fact, I could probably, a quarter of a century on, still find you the rude bits in the book ‘Forever’! So when I read in Red Magazine that Ms Blume had written a new book I was very excited and downloaded it immediately. I do recall now that the interview was with the author herself and there wasn’t a review of the book – that should have set alarm bells ringing, but it didn’t.
Here is what the Amazon blurb says about the book:
“In 1987, Miri Ammerman returns to her hometown of Elizabeth, New Jersey, to attend a commemoration of the worst year of her life.
Thirty-five years earlier, when Miri was fifteen and in love for the first time, three planes fell from the sky within three months, leaving a community reeling. Against this backdrop of actual events in the early 1950s, when airline travel was new and exciting and everyone dreamed of going somewhere, Judy Blume weaves a haunting story of three generations of families, friends, and strangers, whose lives are for ever changed in the aftermath.”
So, back in November 2015 I started reading ‘In The Unlikely Event’. I tried really hard to get into it – but there seemed to be hundreds of characters, vaguely linked to each other, and no real connections. It was really, really boring.
I took it with me on my Kindle for a long haul return flight and 10 day holiday over Christmas and New Year. Admittedly the 4 kids were with us – but I didn’t get my Kindle out once. This is not like me at all. I just wasn’t inspired to read it.
In January I tried again a few times, but still couldn’t get to grips with it.
I am not normally one to give up on a book – hey, I waded through the whole of The Goldfinch – and since I started reviewing books on here I’ve finished every one. But I have decided that life is too short to persevere with something that is not giving you joy (or emotions of some sort other than boredom and frustration).
So we will remain ‘Forever’ fans of the Judy Blume of our teenage years and not this book.
I have been reminded this week that one of the main reasons that I set up this blog was to keep a record of things that happen to our family – and two ridiculous events this evening need recording for posterity (future amusement / mocking).
At the dinner table tonight we were having a family game of eye spy (living on the edge in the Price household!) It was the boy’s turn and he did something beginning with ‘Q’. After quite some time of guessing – well, struggling to guess – we gave up. The answer was queue – although sadly it was a pool cue he was looking at. #fool
Then the husband and I were watching ‘Endeavour’ on Sky + (rock and roll Saturday for our 13th wedding anniversary) when he commented that it looked just like where they film ‘Lewis’…………………….
Right – let’s see if the female portion of the house can compete with this over the coming days.
This Price is Usually Right 